Your inner-dialogue and your relationship with yourself

Have you ever stopped mid-thought and realized the voice in your head is relaying information to you on a negative vibration? That’s truly the first step to  bringing awareness to how our thoughts shape our relationship with ourselves, but it’s easier said than done. We spend our entire lives with the voice in our head that speaks to us, so we have been conditioned to accept it as “I”. This voice must be your innermost self right? The self that directs you in life, the self that helps you make decisions, the self that determines what stresses you out vs. what you can release freely. The scary thing is we’ve become so connected to this voice that we often don’t even take an extra second to reflect on how often this voice is putting us down vs. lifting us up. What if I told you this voice isn’t really you, because the real you is cool, calm and collected in all circumstances, just observing the flow of life, with no judgements at all. 

Our self-talk has become so engrained in our lives that we don’t even question it as we grow into adults because we’ve become so used to it’s presence since we were children. It’s just our own voice in our minds, it’s not a random intruder voice that requires mental illness intervention, or a deceased loved one trying to send us a message, it’s just us, so we say. But if we can dig a bit deeper beyond the surface and actually invest effort into bringing awareness to how our inner dialogue flows on a daily basis we can learn some seriously valuable lessons. For one, we can start to notice how often this voice that speaks to us tells us we cannot do something. You are not good enough. You are not beautiful enough. You must shrink back into our comfort zone. You must remain quiet to avoid stirring the pot. This is the best you can get. You can’t do this. Who do you think you are? The crazy thing about these thoughts is that we believe them. We listen to them without a second  thought. We shrink and we silence ourselves without even even entertaining the possibility that this voice has no credit. Do you really think that the true you would tell you that you are incapable? Or that you are unworthy of love? Or that are you not going to succeed? Those type of thoughts are not you, they are a voice inside you that has manifested as self-doubt and fear- a voice that lives inside you and becomes stronger when we let it tell us what we are worth idly. Even when we become aware of the voice of fear it still takes practice to identify and eliminate it’s control over us it every time it tries to over-power our thoughts.

But when we make a conscious decision to put in that effort, we improve because practice makes permanent. It becomes easier to respond to fear before it gains momentum and sway over us the more we confront it with confidence and understanding. That way instead of letting fear get a few sentences in edge-wise, we can bring awareness to it right when we feel it rising in us and consciously choose to change our frame of reference, or even just let the thought flow through us but remain unattached. There are many beautiful results that will come with practicing this way of being.

For myself, that first result I am noticing is that I am having way less issues establishing boundaries in all my connections to others. I’ve always been a conflict-avoider, even if it meant internally struggling or silencing myself out of avoidance. But the more I practice identifying fear as an intruder the more I realize that boundaries are absolutely crucial to establish and defend because that is the only way to grow in respectful, equal and positive relationships. When I am fail at being open and upfront about my boundaries it is like an invitation for others to take advantage, never meet me halfway and from there connections always take a turn for the worst. That’s not to say it’s always another’s fault for this change of pace. It is just as equally my fault for silencing myself and holding back my words out of fear. Remember, others can’t read our minds and if we fear speaking up to communicate we are contributing to the break-down of our relationships because the dynamic will change and we will be disconnected. To avoid conflict with others in our lives by silencing ourselves is the beginning of an internal war which can lead to feeling of anxiety, helplessness, loss of control and more. Imagine we just all practiced saying how we truly feel, with compassion, so that everything is out in the open.

Another positive outcome I am noticing is that I am living more true to myself in all ways. It’s about saying yes when I know deep in my soul that it is right, and saying no when there is any hesitation because my intuition always knows best, so does yours. When I listen to the voice of fear I live in an anxious place where I am more worried about living small, trying to find a regular 9-5, dating just so I’m not “alone”, devoting my spare time to activities that I feel I am obliged to attend, etc. Whatever it is for you, you will notice when you are just going about your days as if everything feels like a duty. It is such an freeing feeling to say No to shit you don’t want. “No, I am going to seek the career of my dreams and although it is outside the box I don’t want to live in this damn box anyways.” “I don’t feel a connection with this guy I’m seeing so I’m not going to waste either of our time just because I fear loneliness.” “I don’t want to go to this party, I need alone time to re-fuel.” These are all examples of how my external world begins to change when I do what I need to, for the deepest part of myself, and it brings into my existence a serenity that is hard to put into words.

Furthermore, the more we allow this voice of fear to flow through us, just observing it with no judgements attached, the more we can dissociate from it, thus removing it’s power over us. Then without even knowing how we’re doing it we start to attract opportunities from every direction that are meant for us because we are living in total alignment. It might be a new hobby, new friends who feel like soulmates, a career change, a powerfully positive relationship, or anything else that lights us up from the inside out. The universe is entirely made of energy, we are extensions of this vast beautiful place- beings made of life energy. When we align ourselves and find balance in our being, we are flowing, and at ease in whatever we face.  This is not the same as living easy. This doesn’t mean that life will be easy, it means that we can take what comes to us and face it with strength, as well as compassion for ourselves, and we will create ease on our journeys of self-love.

Our lives are built on our decisions, and how we make decisions is reflective of our inner dialogue that guides us through our days. If we are not present in our own mental dialogue then we will feel like victims, like we have no say in who we are to be. We will feel disconnected from meaning. We will feel powerless and start to settle. Do not settle for anything in this life. You are destined for greatness, however you define greatness, it is yours. The voice of self-doubt is a sneaky one, and if we let her, she will rule our lives. So how about today you decide you are going to start to bring awareness to how often she speaks to you. When she tells you to play small, observe and then instead of arguing with her or becoming angry at yourself for thinking negatively, just shrug her off and say “nah I’m going for the big leagues baby.”