Living in Alignment

I haven’t been writing as much lately, and I thought it was because I wasn’t sure what to write about. I couldn’t figure out what topic would interest people, and I didn’t want to write about just anything for the sake of writing. I like to write with a purpose. We need to want to live the same way, with a  purpose. 

I have never experienced so much personal growth as I have in the last year, and then the last couple of months mellowed out into a stagnancy stage it felt like. Perhaps a waiting period. I felt completely changed but I wasn’t sure how to continue improving, I hate to admit it but I was stuck. Then it all hit me at once. My personal transformation thus far had been in my frame of mind. How I view myself, how I view others, my self-love, my personal process for dealing with stress, my ability to forgive myself-  all of these things have come around 360 degrees.  What hasn’t actually changed yet is me stepping out of my comfort zone and moving forwards with projects in my life that inspire me. How often do you think of something and go, “WOW what a great idea that would be so cool I bet people would love that. I would love that myself.” Then about an hour later it’s become a distant memory, because A. who has time to start a project like that? B. where would you even start, I mean you have no background whatsoever in that. C. I don’t really have time for that, I have work, my hobbies and my relationship to balance already… 

We go through our whole lives with magnificent ideas that we either brainstorm about for hours, or they just seemingly randomly pop into our heads and it’s like the game plan was sent from the heavens above- but we don’t follow through with it. We are socialized to think small. We are taught to figure out where we “fit in” in the systems of our society, to do our part and live in the boundaries. Our school system fails us in teaching us how to be creative. We actually don’t even need to be taught this, think of how creative our children naturally are. But what do we do? We tell them that the way they answer this problem is incorrect because it doesn’t fit the standardized school required response. So we will fail them until they learn to give us the answer WE WANT, regardless if the answer they got their own creative way was also right. In my life although I am spiritually a reborn person through my personal growth, I am still living physically stagnant. I am not making choices every day to take chances to try to put my creative ideas in motion. I realized last night it is simply fear holding me back. Although fear is a single word, it manifests in our minds in so many different ways, and the number one form of self-talk it translates to is excuses. My excuses right now are: 1. I don’t have any background in that whatsoever so it doesn’t make sense for me to do that. 2. It will take me so much time, I don’t have that time (But really I have SO much time). 3. These are just fantasies, I’m not good enough to actually succeed in that. Stop for a minute and reflect on what your self-talk sounds like, related to anything at all in your life. Even better, practice stopping every time you witness your internal dialogue starting to sound like a negative intruder (I’ve written about this before but it’s so crucial to our self-growth).

 

I have personally decided to take on a new creative project but I have yet to take the first physical steps to get it into motion. It’s funny because when I say the sentence “I like to be creative and create” it immediately brings up so much negative self- talk. The voice tells me that I was never good at art or design growing up so who do I think I am trying to do that? The voice seems to think I fit only in the box of an athlete again, that label that stuck to me for years that I clung to for a little taste of identity because I had no clue who I was without it. School makes us think that we have to find something to be good at, so we can practice at it to become great.  But school doesn’t tell us  that we can be great at anything and everything. We can do more than one thing. We can make our living doing things that are not on the “Career Path Personality Test”. Personally my next steps moving forward are going to involve actually physically taking risks that are outside my comfort zone to propel my new creative ideas and if I fail that is ok because there is no such thing as failure, I will take a lesson and I will never label it a loss.

This brings me to my next topic which still relates to getting out of your own way. Where in your life are you living out of alignment? Don’t dismiss this question lightly, because if you do so much dysfunction will manifest in various ways and it may not feel like it is hurting you at first. But then one day it will just consume you. I have noticed my eating disorder tendencies rising again in the last little while, not nearly as bad or habitual as my past, but the thoughts and rare actions feel like steps backwards. And although I can self-forgive now a lot more openly, I now like to assess why I believe I am leaning on this habitual way of being, this crutch. I realize I have been holding my voice in again, because of fear of confrontation and giving people the benefit of the doubt that they will follow through with their word. I also realize I have been trying to re-kindle and nurture connections that do not fuel me with anything other than anguish and resentment. But I deny that truth in my head and my internal dialogue attempts to make up a story-line that fits with my growth. But I know I’m lying. You do too. You know the truth. Where in your life are  you making choices that do not contribute to your dream life. The process is really simple but most times actually putting it in motion is not easy. The three steps are:

1. Ask yourself what you want to manifest LONG-TERM in your life and write it down.

 2. Meditate or reflect on your current place in your life. Your job, your circle, your romantic relationship, your hobbies, your food choices, etc.
3. Write down what needs to be removed from your life regardless of what emotions this brings up for you.

It may not be what you imagine yourself physically doing yet, but write it down and read it out loud. You will intuitively IMMEDIATELY know where in your life you are holding on to something that is holding you back. We all do it. We continue with our habitual ways of being because they are what we know. Even if they drain our energy and cause us anxiety, it is a place we have found comfort and it is easier to avoid the truth and stay in that situation than face the truth that it does NOT align with our ideal life. The most common example I can think of is in romantic relationships. I know so many people who have been with their partner for however long, and they are no longer happy. But they are still there, they are not going anywhere. They wonder “Hmmm I wonder if I would meet anyone better if I left. I’m tired I don’t really want to go through the whole getting to know someone phase again, it’s exhausting. This person knows my whole family too.” The internal dialogue may be a bit different but the underlying thought process is the same. People will stay with liars, abusers, cheaters, people who have completely different values and life goals than them, simply because it is a habit. Break your damn habits if they don’t make you happy. That is the bottom line. Yes it is scary, but living a life in a shell that does not fill you with joy every single day is so much worse. This goes for anything in your life. Your job, your party-lifestyle, your hermit lifestyle- ANY DAMN THING THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND DOES NOT GROW YOU NEEDS TO GO. 

This three step process, if followed to a T will help you create a life of alignment. Remove any and everything that does not connect to your major life goals and stop giving in to immediate gratification, its effects run out fast and leave you feeling like an empty human. Our planet is currently in Mercury Retrograde right now which means the energy is a bit crazy, hay-wire and backwards. This topic is super long in itself, check out: http://astrostyle.com/mercury-retrograde/ for more info. I was researching how this will affect many of us during this December time period and I found that topic of returning to past ways of being for a while is  common in this period, but it is to bring us personal closure. That couldn’t be any more accurate in terms of my own personal experience and I love when the universe sends me signs like that. I have been stepping backwards in some areas of my life and it is bringing up my eating disorder because it is habitually how I try to gain some control over my life when it feels haywire. So when I cannot control how others treat me, or heal everyone around me, I resort to trying to control and micro-manage my food which only ends up as binging and starving periods. All of us have something we resort to when we feel out of control or lost in our lives. Some examples are alcohol, drugs, partying, hooking-up, over-exercising, eating disorders, over-sleeping, etc. So we need to all ask ourselves these questions. Where in your life are  you in your own way? What can you eliminate so you are more in alignment with your deepest self? What is your step by step list for completely this spiritual de-cluttering? Now just do it, no matter what it brings up for you in the moment I promise that in the future it will bring you internal peace, the rainbow comes after the storm my friends.

love you all, please don’t hesitate to reach out

xox