Love your Chaos

Don’t worry, be happy. Sounds like such a simple notion; a simple phrase that sums up how we ought to flow through life. The irony is that many of us do just the opposite. We constantly worry, and as a result we are often searching for happiness as if it can be found in an item for purchase. I’ll be happy once I get my paycheck next week. I’ll be happy once I get a new job because I’m not progressing in my current position. I’ll be happy once I get a boyfriend because I’ve been feeling lonely. I’ll be happy when I start shedding the pounds. I’ll be happy once I am out of school because then I can start making money. The list goes on and on. We miss out on life’s biggest lesson of all, and that is that happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a state of mind we can CHOOSE to live in throughout our entire life journey. It starts when we can can let go of the outcomes and focus on living out our intentions in every way. The results that are meant for you will come to you once you stop trying to control what is meant to be left to the flow of life itself.

I think the first time I really noticed how much I rush everything was when I first went to Jamaica for a vacation in 2015. The environment was more laid-back, comfortable and unhurried than I was used to. At first it felt uncomfortable for me to adjust, but the epiphany I had was really insightful because I realized how easy it is to enjoy the simple things in life when you slow down and truly take everything around you in. I consciously made a promise to myself that I would strive to live more patiently and with less focus on the outcomes when I returned home. But of course it’s easy to fall back into your normal routine and that plan didn’t last for long after I returned back to school. But time and time again with self-reflection I realize that is what holds me captive and limits my progress and so today I chose to write about how rushing has actually slowed me down.

Before I was able to take a step back to reflect on my habits I wasn’t even aware that I was rushing in almost every area of my life, every single day. I used to wake up late, rush to get to school or work. I rush when I’m walking around, my speed always looks like I’m on a mission with a time limit. I rush conversations, my talking speed is like an auctioneer trying to sell items. I rush cooking and eating my food and I end up snacking before my meals ready. I rush studying and get frustrated with myself when I can’t immediately understand or memorize concepts. I can’t put my finger on when I started to do everything at lightning speed, but I can tell you that I have reflected and made a deliberate intention to slow down in everything I’m doing to enjoy the process, to enjoy the little things. For many of us, this might take deliberate practice and self-talk to change our habits, but I promise you will notice all the difference in the world as you start to become more aware of the beauty of the process. The beauty of waking up before the sun rise and drinking coffee in peace. The beauty in the scenery around you while you’re walking to your next destination. The beauty of understanding what others are communicating to you, beyond just their words. The beauty in patience and enjoyment on a warm, home cooked meal.

In this generation it seems like we are all under a lot of pressure, from our families, society and even ourselves to succeed in traditional education and figure out our careers as soon as possible. I remember leaving grade twelve thinking “I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life, how can I make such a drastic decision at this age.” Even when we don’t consciously assess this pressure, it is still existent and affects our state of mind, our decisions, and thus our enjoyment of our lives. I know I’m not alone when I say that when I have been studying over the years for University exams and I get fed up it feels like the world is ending. I’ve wanted to scream, or possibly even have screamed “WHY AM I SO INVESTED IN THIS STUPID COURSE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE, BUT THIS TEST OUTCOME FEELS LIKE IT CONTROLS MY LIFE.” Of course a bit of anxiety can be beneficial, it means we care about the results. But we have this false perception that our self-worth and life success depends entirely on a sum number value from all the tests and exams we have taken. 

I’m sending my love and thoughts your way if you are struggling through this currently, because although I’m done with University exams, it is very easy for me to remember the overwhelming stress they brought to my life. I want to remind you that we are in an entirely new time, where most people have at least 7 career changes in their lives. Likewise, if you graduate with a specific degree there is much opportunity for growth in areas entirely unrelated to your schooling. But most important I want to remind you that you are so much more important than the education you decide to, or decide not to pursue. Your success in your life is not dependent on your achievement in a government-institution, it is a result of your drive to succeed and your discipline to follow through. Traditional schooling is the route for some, and although I struggled, I am overly grateful for the experiences and critical thinking skills I have developed. On another note, some of the most successful and driven people I know have left traditional education because it didn't suit their learning needs.There are many ways to achieve success in your life, whether or not you pay $40,000+ an expensive piece of paper.

If you are struggling to make it through and you don’t know what your route is after school, you are not alone. I would guess over 75% of us are in the same boat. I know I spent way too many hours worrying about the future, over-thinking about what could go wrong. Throughout your education journey don’t lose site of who you are because you are focusing solely on the numbers your institution posts under your name on your report card. Invest in experiences that you love, because most of your growth and learning takes place outside of the classroom. Invest in yourself, in your health, because you only have one body to cherish in this life. Stop trying to plan every future moment and outcome in your life because when you are so tunnel-vision focused on the outcomes you will miss out on the hints and messages the universe are trying to show you about yourself that help you grow. All that is meant to be will be, all that is meant to come into your life will come. Likewise, all that is meant to leave your life after a chapter or two will leave. 

The trick is practicing non-attachment, and learning to develop trust in the chaos of life. This is about practicing bringing awareness to your thoughts, and not reacting but rather just letting them pass. Likewise, this is not about reaching a final destination of bliss, with no worries. We will all face stressful circumstances in our lives, in and beyond school. But through developing resilience we choose not to let them define us, and we can find strength in letting go of the outcomes. You will be successful, you figure out where you are meant to be, and you will be happy; but only if you deliberately release your expectations and live life as it comes.