The last month has been different for me, I've withdrawn from my regular routine and found comfort in reading for hours, relaxing and self-reflection. Growing up I always had a passion for books and writing, I wanted to learn and read everything I could and I would often finish a book in one sitting. I used to type mini-novels as well as reflection journals in my spare time, I would stay up all hours of the night and sneak on an ancient laptop to write. Somewhere along the years discomfort surfaced, and I felt like I was different from other children my age, but not positively. I felt different in a way that would isolate me. I convinced myself that these passions were toxic and thus I had to give them up if I wanted to fit in. Seemingly, even when I started writing again a couple years back I would feel undeniable shame, so my passion for writing was a task I would complete in hiding. I didn't even realize that simply hiding my love for words and healing was literally done out of a lack of self-love. Now I want to make up for lost time, I can't wait to explore, share, write and reflect on all this world has to offer.
As I'm sitting here contemplating what to write in this introduction, self-doubt fluttered through my mind with a side of fear. I used to listen to to those voices as they began to rise and I let anxiety dictate and ultimately control me- my decisions, my pursuits, my life. I was like a ticking time bomb, seemingly content but easily disrupted by others choices, actions even just their energy. I have lived impulsively, allowing external factors and others to completely determine my mood, peace of mind and ultimately my level of self-love. When I finally accepted my sensitivity about three years ago, I made conscious efforts to spread love. Ironically I was doing so in every direction except internally. I have been pouring and pouring love, into everyone and everything around me but for years I didn't even want to admit that I didn't know how to love myself. I'm choosing now to fight back against my fear, not only in this blog but every single day of my life. If you have any topic suggestions, or just want to talk, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm going to write about sensitive topics, experiences I've endured and basically anything that helps me, and hopefully you, move towards or maintain an inner peace that is unshakable.
This doesn't mean I believe we can ever silence our fears, it just means we can learn to feel fear rise and tell it that we're not going to let it control our lives.We are all beautiful sources of infinite light and love, here to support each other as we learn to wholeheartedly embrace our authentic selves. The light in my acknowledges the light in you; I only hope you can begin to see how bright your light can shine. Sending compassion and abundance your way, and so the raw, unfiltered journey begins...
<3
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